December 2nd, 2003



This is ridiculous.

When I worked for Looking Glass, we spent months and months slowly circling the drain, and finally crashed and went under with a company meeting that called everyone in and announced that the company was bankrupt and everyone had no job.

That was a morale hit.

But that was a damn sight less of a morale hit than I/S right now. Meetings that start with the new head of I/S explaining how he used to be at a startup that laid off 50% of its workforce, and then another 50%, and then another 50%, and it's doing okay now. Emails to the whole group from people who have been punted, apologizing somewhat crankily about the fact that now there will be no one to handle the things they've been doing. Now, today, instructions to send the new boss fresh copy of our resumes (in Word!), "so he can get to learn about us quickly", which everyone parses as "so he can pick who to fire."

At Looking Glass, I never felt like I was in competition with my co-workers (maybe because I was naive? But I don't think so). The management always seemed able to convey to us that they really did want all of us to stay on, it was just a question of flat-out not being able to pay the salaries without a new source of funding. Here, though, upper management has not really managed to reassure me that they know who I am and what I do, let alone that I think I do it well - and like the camper outrunning the bear, I don't need the best resume, I just need a better resume than someone standing near me. I hate looking at Lance (okay, nobody but justom is going to understand that one) and thinking "you do the committee plots, I do the tech plots, you're going to make the cut and I'm not." I hate thinking "You're split between two groups that are in different tetris pieces now, that won't work, I'm going to make the cut and you're not," just as much.

Whenever I've talked about work, I always had to explain, in a sort of embarassed tone of voice, that I love my job. Because I do, and you're really not supposed to love tech support, you're supposed to hate it. I love the variety of things to play with. I love fixing things and making people happy. I love writing little perl scripts to make things go six hundred times faster, and I love that my boss can speak management so I don't have to.

But now, at least today, I hate my job.
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